A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is!”
My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”
A blonde woman is walking down the street, with her blouse open.
A cop is approaching from about a block away, thinking, “Boy, my eyes must be going, it looks like that woman’s right breast is hanging out.”
As he gets closer it becomes apparent that her breast is hanging out.
When he gets face to face with her he says, “Ma’am, are you aware I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
She says, “Why, officer?”
“Well, your breast is hanging out.”
She looks down and says “OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus!”
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
“Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
“Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”
Painting The House
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said….
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Three women are on death row in Utah (death penalty by firing squad) and about to be executed.
One’s a brunette, one’s a redhead, and one’s a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready…..Aim…..”
Suddenly the brunette yells, “Earthquake!!”
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready….Aim….”
The redhead then screams, “Tornado!”
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, “Ready….Aim….”
The blonde shouts, “Fire!”
A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend’s dandruff problem.
The redhead says “Why don’t you give him Head and Shoulders?”
The blonde replies, “How do you give shoulders?”
Once there was a blonde talking to her friend then suddenly the line was cut.
She noticed that she can’t talk to her friend so she resersitates her phone.
Her neighbour saw her resersitating her phone and says ‘Why are you resersitating the phone?’
The blonde answers back “Because my phone dropped dead”
One day, a blonde was watching the news and the news anchor said that a serial killer was on the loose.
So, she rushed into her kitchen, grabbed all her cereal and brought it down to the basement and said “Don’t worry, no one can kill you down here!”
One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.
He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window.
The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
“I’ve pulled you over for speeding, Ma’am. Could I see your drivers license?”
“What’s a license?” replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
“It’s usually in your wallet,” replied the officer.
After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it.
“Now may I see your registration?” asked the cop.
“Registration….. what’s that….?” asked the blonde.
“It’s usually in your glove compartment,” said the cop impatiently.
After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” said the cop and walked back to his car.
The officer called in to the dispatch to run a check on the woman’s license and registration.
After a few moments, the dispatcher came back, “Ummm… is this woman driving a red sports car?”
“Yes.” replied the officer
“Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?” asked the dispatcher.
“Uh… yes.” replied the cop.
“Here’s what you do,” said the dispatcher. “give her the stuff back, and drop your pants.”
“What? I can’t do that. Its… inappropriate.” exclaimed the cop.
“Trust me. Just do it.” said the dispatcher.
So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said.
The blonde looks down and sighs….. “Ohh no… not another breathalyzer……”