My body is not a temple…..it’s a distillery with legs.
A drunk drinks until he passes out, an alcoholic drinks till the house burns down with them in it.
A bee goes into a bar,
It comes out 2 hours later buzzing
Boy: “I love you so much, I could never live without you.”
Girl: “Is that you or the beer talking?”
Boy: “It’s me talking to the beer.”
Mayan: Hey wanna drink?
Other Mayan: I’m working on this calendar, but I guess if I don’t finish it won’t be the end of the world.
Alcohol should be served in Capri Sun pouches.
When you can’t get the straw in the hole you’ve had enough.
Why did the girl blow chunks all over the house?
She wasn’t party trained.
Hear about the wall that went out on the town for its birthday?…
Alcohol doesn’t turn people into somebody they’re not.
It just makes them forget to hide that part of themselves.
Life and beer are very similar …..chill for best results.
I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
If you drink too much alcohol you are an alcoholic. If you drink too much Fanta, does that make you Fantastic?
I don’t recycle because it makes me look like a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.
I’m not an alcoholic alcoholics go to meetings, I’m a drunk, we go to parties.
I spilled a drink on this girl at a party and that’s “How I Wet Your Mother”.
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean…… on tables, chairs & random people.
No! for the last time stop asking if i am drunk. I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?
You say alcoholic, I’ll say alcohol enthusiast
Who is this “moderation” people keep telling me to drink with?
Take me drunk I’m home.
Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn’t drinking enough of it.
When life hands you lemons, find someone with tequila and salt!
Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia.
And learned if you drink too much, it’s likely tequil-ya.
Dont drink and drive, it will spill everywhere
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
I’ve been told I’ve got A.D.H.D (Alcohol Drinking and Hangover Disorder)
It’s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Alcohol is never the answer… But it does make you forget the question.
A man’s got to believe in something. I believe I’ll have another drink.
Bartenders shouldn’t cut people off. They should get them so drunk that they can’t find their keys.
My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.
“Relationship” has 12 letters but then again so does “Time For Shots”
The true spirit of a man is inside the bottle from which he is drinking.
In the wine there is wisdom, in beer there is strength, in the water there are bacteria.
Confucious says, “Man who drink beer all day, have Wet Dreams all night”.
What doesn’t kill me, makes my drinks stronger
I started drinking very young. My first DWI was on a Big Wheel.
Listen, I’m not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I’m a drunk, we go to parties.
Alcohol is my worst enemy, but the bible says to love your enemy…